Parental Sacrifice, Or "I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MY KIDS!"
Really? Will you? I mean, will you do ANYTHING for the well-being of your children? Even if it means challenging your current misguided idea of what "well-being of the child" means? Important question actually. Or is your criteria for "anything" dependent on how it makes YOU FEEL, or how you look to those you are trying so desperately to impress. Are you a mere Parent "virtue signaler?
If you thought this series was going to be a "how-to" instruction manual, nah. Fooled you! No, this is a DIARY-- the Old Man ramblings of a DE-celerating intellect. A Doc of my generation certainly would not fill the pages of a diary with nonsense like feelings, fears, butt-hurts, etc. Oh hell no! And yet these here pages are every bit of personal therapy for the waning physical and mental health of a once more-competent professional. It matters to me not a lick, however, if anybody EVEN READS this unsolicited op-ed. Besides, nobody really gives a shit about the kiddies anymore anyway, right?
Let get right to it then. ..... The truth now. Do you have regular little public and secret cuddle-sessions with your grade-school daughter because a growing little girl NEEDS to have Daddy-worship for her healthy maturation; or because it makes you feel as if she adores you, and likes you more than she does Mommy, and that fills some unconscious hole in your own child-nurturing?
Do you insist on soothing monotones in admonishing your growing boys because this will effectively harness their natural male aggression; or because YOUR father was a big meany, and ALWAYS spoke in a steady yell, and it STILL hurts you so very, very much?
Are your goals with the kids to be 'friends', to be liked? You're OK with being UNCLE Dad or Auntie Mom? Because this Doc will tell you right here and right now, if the kids don't RESPECT you, they do not LISTEN and LEARN from you. They will only TAKE, and then eventually ABUSE you. (Oh yeah....You really think elder abuse occurs only in nursing homes?).
Do you choose your kiddies' activities because they will help the girls grow to healthy women, and the boys grow to be healthy men; or do you prioritize based on your busy schedule, driving time, your own childhood 'bad' experiences, or your needy desire to preserve them as little cuddly puppies completely dependent on you for everything so they will always like you ever so, so much? Do you "put them" in bullshit "activities, well, like Zumba, that foster effete fluffiness over competitiveness and toughness?
Do you really think you are going to completely overhaul traditional parenting because you are soooo much smarter than your ancestors , or is it that you just know that teaching your kids the Old Values will retard their Hip, Slick and Kool-ness? Have you EVER taken a searching and fearless moral inventory of YOUR OWN SELF in order to identify harmful subconscious diseased philosophy that might be infecting your "precious" children? Again, are you fooling yourself when you constantly and loudly proclaim that you would do ANYTHING FOR YOUR CHILDREN?
Go on, tell Ol' Doc why the scenario below is bad? Too rough? Might be injured? Right, Tumbling Class it is!
Is THIS bad?
Or this?
Or this?
Is struggle, intensity, competition, toughness, determination, adversity, hardship....are these things really bad for little pampered Billy, or Betty? Are you so brainwashed that you believe you can somehow protect your kids from any and all rough patches or danger, now, and forever? Are you the no-park-swings, no merry-go-round, no monkey-bars, zero-accident-tolerance parent? And if you are, is this really the best for your kiddies?
Only Cotillion lessons for your little Susie. Violin lessons for Billy. Zumba for the lot of them. Let's put them in a tumbling class where they will have ever so much fun! Let's hire a soccer tutor so the boys can have a baby-sitter pretending to teach them the sport, and get paid to fake it. Let's put them ALL in a MMA (Mommy Motivated Acrobatics) class for maximum logistical convenience and 100% safety. Check, check check. Primo parenting, check. Sports for 'character-building', check. Not too out-of-the-way, Check! ( I mean, kids are like sheep, right? Treat 'em all the same, get a dog to herd and guide them, right?). Isn't that wonderful? Aren't we just the best, ever so special Parents? High five!!
It's not just with sports and after-school activities that Modern Parents ignore their kid's needs while prioritizing their own FEELZ. For many children, however, the benefits of a real and COMPETITIVE team sport may be the only relief they might get from the oppressive, overbearing nonsense of the caring and sharing, pretend-we-care Parents. C'mon, you know I'm right. You do their homework for them, right? You rescue them when they struggle with friends and siblings , right? You even do their chores for them!.....am I wrong?
Now, tough talk. But you're all grown up, so you can handle tough talk, right? RIGHT? If you really,... hear me... REALLY give a flying shit about your kids, why would you avoid examining your own damaging motives? Your insecurities, and selfish, self-centeredness? Your Feminist contempt for Men, and therefore boys? Why would you ignore the incessant, horrible behavior displayed by your kids: the RAGE they scream at you with; the disrespect that they treat you with day after day after day; the maddening bickering when your are getting ready to take them to school; the constant interrupting when YOU ARE SPEAKING TO THEM OR OTHER ADULTS? If you think this is good for the kiddies, um, you are wrong. I mean really, really wrong, This teaches them rudeness, and self-centered arrogance. Is that what you aiming for? I don't think so, but I think you are in such denial about your own foibles and motives that you are blind to your SELF-SERVING ACTIONS.
Do yourself a favor right now. Take a look at what is happening to recently divorced Kelly Ann Conway's daughter. Many admire Ms. Conway for her "professionalism", and national stardom. One of the "minor" casualties of her professional rise, is now an adult daughter who is displaying her insanity on public porn forums. Yeah....Is intelligent, courageous, successful Kelly Ann Conway an admirable figure? Think long and hard about this, you Parents who lie to yourselves that you have it "all under control."
You spend not a microsecond trying to transform yourself into a better person so you can become a better parent. You are obsessed with yourself. Your kids ARE MERE PROPS IN YOUR NEVER-ENDING PERSONAL NOVELLLA. You continue to resent your favored-child sister, you continue begging for Mommy's love, you are still mad at that meany-McMeany Father -- and you proceed apace, blissfully ignorant that you are dumping all of your childhood garbage on to your 'precious' children's psyche. You visit all the "right" Google Mommy-websites, you virtue signal to all your friends just what a great Mommy/Daddy you are, despite the 'hardships' and "sacrifices" you make. You airily proclaim, "yeah welcome to MY world" any time a friend or relative even dares to compare their hardships with your daily Christ-like "suffering."
If you think you are a martyr for even having children to raise, my goodness, you really do need to evaluate you own personal moral inventory. Your "sacrifices" are what? Not being able to act like a newlywed anymore? Can't attend suarés with your single friends? Can't do any more cruises, wine-tasting trips or weekend jaunts to that Italian villa overlooking the Mediterranean? I simply cannot express the micron-sized sympathy I have for you in this respect.
One last horseshit-level Parenting mistake. If YOUR OWN parents produced a deadbeat loser of a son; a son so confused he marries a man; a daughter who shows up for her wedding inebriated along with her groom; a son who is 30, and still does not drive a car so that Daddy needs to drive him to work; or a child that simply must change its God-given sex by hacking off her mammaries -- for Heaven sake, DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DAMAGED BY THIS TOXIC INFLUENCE AND GALACTIC FAILING. And why, oh why, do you continue to have ANY of these sick individuals in your family's life at all?
If you have no respect for your parent or siblings, or you think so little of them that you proclaim that you do not want them near your children, why in DUMBSHIT'S NAME would you still continue to allow them to have ANY of your time and brain space? Anything in the consciousness WILL BE TRANSMITTED IN A NEGATIVE WAY to your spouse and children if you do nothing to END THIS MADNESS. For the children's well-being, GET RID OF THE ADAM'S FAMILY!
OK, so how do we do this "personal inventory?" Not easy, I'll admit. As the country song says, "Its hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way." Nevertheless, start by spending a few days really thinking (yeah, thinking is hard) about the life you want for your kids. Find some folks that have raised kids into exemplary adults, and simply ask then how they did it. But here is THE KEY -- listen with an ear to assessing the world AS IT REALLY IS, not simply as you would want it to be. For a change, don't just nod, smile, and pretend that you appreciate the information, while seething internally. Do something unusual for you, really listen, ask questions, and then go home and contemplate, ponder, meditate, regurgitate -- I mean, do whatever it takes to apply some new ideas to your arrogant, self-centered present philosophy. The idea is to help your insufferable brats become well-mannered, humble, successful citizens, and eventually effective parents themselves. (Get what Ol' Doc did there? Pretended you could actually figure out what is "best for your kids", and then proceeded to TELL YOU what is "best for your kids....heh, heh)_
If you have a proclivity for drugs and/or alcohol to operate your life, you may want to consider Alcoholics Anonymous. If you have been influenced by an alcoholic or drug-addict, you might want to contact Al-Anon Family Groups so that you may learn about and free yourself from, the psychic damage inflicted upon you by this drunken parent, sibling or close relative. If you can't get over childhood sex-abuse or neglect, there are many 12 step groups that can help you. BUT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE DO NOT SEE A THERAPIST. They will make you a lifetime patient, you will never recover, and your kids will grow in misery, and continue to pass along this family illness to the next generation, and the next and the next......
Harsh words, these. Nothing personal. Probably nothing here applies to you. But if you identify or your feelings are bruised, holy-moly, think long and hard about these ideas. Or don't. But keep this in mind. You have promised everyone who would listen that "YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOUR CHILDREN." So go do it. "Go do the right thing."
-------- DOC
