CHORES
In tackling the essential life event known as "Parenting", we have discussed some of the core philosophical basics like discipline, parental teamwork, sacrifice, and leadership. There are a number of tactics that actually put the philosophical rubber to the road, for examples, feeding and mealtime. Another tactic that provides a wonderland of opportunity for healthy child-rearing, is The Chore.
First, a general description of what this Has-Been Doc means by "chores". This explanation was entirely unnecessary in generations past. Every new parent knew what was required of the kiddies, as far as helping keep up the household. Basically, you don't help, you don't eat, or.....the family perishes Oh yeah, believe it or not there were times, not so very long ago, that each child had better pitch-in lest they become an intolerable burden. Many families lived on the edge of survival, so if the wood did not get chopped and stored, it would be a mighty cold winter!
Today's parents have been so pampered with opulence that this "survival" instinct is long gone.
Nah, today's parents see their new babies as cuddly playthings on the one hand, like when outsiders are watching, or baby is sucking on a bottle of milk; to, on the other hand, props that show "its sooo hard" virtue-signaling when martyrdom is required. And goodness, when baby is crying, or smells like poop, or is ill, then, Oh My G*d, "YOU take 'im !!" Actual contribution by the children to the family's well-being with useful chores has sadly gone the way of courtesy, handshakes and table-manners in many modern families.
Parenting is a simple matter, as we have discussed ad nauseam, but I would never contend that it is an easy one. It is more a matter of willingness, rather than an existential mystery requiring Google. And Chores offer the perfect instrument for instructing the apprentice human on such matters as contribution, team play, sacrifice, delayed-gratification, work-ethic, goal-orientation, honesty, reliability, and accomplishment. So, very simply, the question we must ask Modern Parents here is, "Are you teaching kids chores in order to virtue signal your parental awesomeness; or are you teaching them the chores which will contribute to the well-being, success, and tranquility of the Family?"
Let's cut to the chase and list REAL chores that advance the Family Success Path. We will make only two divisions: 1) Younger kids (infants and toddlers, and 2) Older kids who are in KI-12.
Younger:
-- throwing dirty diaper in trash
-- holding the bottle on their own
-- accepting two naps a day, and bedtime without scandal
-- cooperating with diaper and clothes changing
-- cordial behavior at mealtime
-- learning to say "please", "thank you" and "good morning"
-- greeting handshake
-- eye contact when speaking to adult
-- putting their own socks and shoes on correctly
-- placing their socks INSIDE their shoes when shoes are removed
-- cooperating in the car seat
-- picking up original toys before moving on to OTHER toys
-- not opening doors, stoves, refrigerators, cabinets, EVER
-- not jumping on furniture
-- not eating in family area
-- self feeding as soon as physically possible
-- urinating and defecating in the toilet
I am quite sure you can expand on this list ad infinitum ( or maybe not?), but the point is, successful accomplishment of the above will contribute mightily to the smooth Family, Inc, operations And guess how the kiddos learn these helpful chores?....NO! HECK NO, I'm not giving you the answer. If you are flummoxed by this mini-quiz, go back and read posts 1-7 on "Parenting." Sheesh!
Yeah, yeah, watching a 2 year old pushing around a toy lawnmower is cute and all that, but it actually helps nobody, and accomplishes nothing except to showcase your little prop's cuteness in front of friends and family. No, I'm talking about REAL chores that have useful contribution to the Parents daily burdens. Think about it. How may cumulative hours have you spent looking for the 3 year old's socks when it is time to go out? You what?!!? You don't even bother with socks when the 2-second search fails to locate them? So your refusal to insist that kiddo STORE his socks inside his shoes, has helped your little kiddy, um, how exactly? Right -- Mommy will solve all your problems, "YOU little kiddie, need not learn ANY personal responsibilit." GOT IT!
You might dispute some of Doc's chores for the YOUNGER kids as not relevant to your family, OK, fair enough, But if you require your Younger kiddo to have zero responsibility, zero work ethic, and zero contribution to the family you are playing a dangerous game with a young human being. Essentially, the zero-kid is a PARASITE! All take and no give, sucking Mommy, Daddy and siblings dry so to speak. This kid grows to be a lazy, useless narcissist. Describing the extreme case here, sure, but even the gradations of lazy upbringing are are real problem -- to the family, to the classroom, to the job site, to the community, and to the nation.
OK, let's throw out a representative roster of chores for the K-12ers.
-- wiping effectively after defecating
-- lifting up the toilet lid and seat before voiding (boys)
-- flushing toilet, and washing and drying hands after its use
-- respecting indoor rules: no running, no jumping on furniture, no wrestling, use indoor voices
-- respect for other kids, especially younger kids, especially avoiding violent and reckless behavior
-- dressing themselves
-- preparing their clothes and backpacks for school THE NIGHT BEFORE
-- respecting the lunch parents provide for school
-- struggle-free napping
-- courtesy at mealtimes
-- respect at all times for adults
-- obeying parents orders and directives
-- keeping their personal areas, or rooms, tidy
-- respect their toys and possessions
-- bathe or shower regularly without fuss
Partial list, to be sure, but these are some highlights. As the child becomes adolescent, then teen, of course responsibilities and chores become more sophisticated, right? The 17 year old ought to be mowing, raking, and managing the trash. Doing the dishes by age 8 should be entirely expected. Teens ought to be washing the cars, vacuuming, and dusting. You are entirely ready, willing and able to push your OLDER kids to every greater heights, right? Ever more complex chores, ever more useful contribution to the Home maintenance, right? Even babysitting responsibilities for the younger sibs. Make sense? And how about real jobs, for PAY, at least by age 14-15, que no? And how 'bout requiring that Junior fork over some feria to help pay for his room and board? C'mon, C'MON, you gotta let go of his hand, and let your little baby grow up and go out there sometime, right?
I realize that many of you Modern Parents are, in fact, lazy about your OWN chores at home. Perhaps because you also had lazy Parents. But single-minded focus on your careers, your social standing, or your lifestyle, without pausing to evaluate YOUR agenda's impact on the development of your children's character, is catastrophic. Two-year olds do not have a genetic switch to become TERRIBLE Teens do not have a genetic make-up that makes them sullen and intolerable. No, no my young parents, your precious brood's behavior is a result of YOUR minute-by-minute example and instruction, Yes, that's right. YOU have taught them how to BE and ACT exactly in the manner you have taught them to BE and ACT. And, if you are immature enough to require your kids to fill some Parental hole YOU experienced with YOUR parents, then you are REALLY, honest injun', ABUSING THEM! There, I said it....tough talk, but just for a moment look at the stakes involved....or not?
So, just to be clear. Children's Chores should be tailored by Parents to advance the mission of the Family, presumably to PRODUCE EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY HEALTHY CHILDREN, right? Who would disagree with this? Yet....even if you do not DISagree, your ACTIONS often belie this public promise. What we are urging you to consider is that chores for children are not simply token activities designed to impress onlookers. It is ludicrous to design "chores" that advance PARENTAL LIFESTYLE , VIRTUE SIGNALING CHOICES. Watch out for your desire to be like TV show parents because TV IS NOT REALITY. No Parents, real chores require that the children learn responsibility, delayed gratification, and a sense of contributing to the greater good of the family. Do your kiddo's chores accomplish these goals? If not, do you not think that some adjustments just might be in order?
Finally, as in many other parenting "tactics", CONSISTENT INSISTENCE is the key. You Modern Parents cannot simply proclaim A CHORE, and then enforce it like, uh, two times. No, no. This chore now becomes an imperative. You must succeed, you must persevere, you must enforce. Ultimately The Chores become second nature to the kids, that is, if you do the actions necessary for them to succeed. Once they are second-nature, your kiddos are on the way to the nirvana of -- {{{ SELF-PARENTING }}}. The more your laziness wins out, the more your credibility with the kids suffers, and thus begins the death spiral for a successful family. BELIEVE ME (and not the child-less fake-moms that get up one day and start an internet blog on Parenting....you heard me).
Lotta pathology out in the American landscape today. Particularly with the reckless, violent parasitical behavior of our youth. It happened for some reason, right? We didn't go from Paper Routes to Safe-Spaces for some genetic anomaly. Healthy Parenting has morphed into Children-as-Props, and this is simply a CHOICE that Modern Parents make, whether maliciously or subconsciously, no matter. The result is a BAD PRODUCT. You Parents OWE it to your children to avoid the iceberg. After all, you had 'em !
