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Relax, relax. We're gonna give you a break from the constant bashing you Modern Parents have been experiencing here. Your incompetence is, after all, not entirely your fault. I mean, .0002745% can be attributed to the toxic cultural soup you live in, even less for those of you who resist ANY new ideas about Parenting.....But what am I talking about? No one will ever read this outdated, irrelevant nonsense anyway, so there's that.
No, this is going to be a tribute to *** A Mother's Mother***, yep, the legendary Mrs. Doc. High time too. This unsung hero has been slugging away at diapers, drooling kid-shit, and a dopey husband for DECADES, with nary a medal, an honorarium, or even an atta-girl on a virtue signaling Facebook page. Nothing instructive about this tribute so don't worry. There is absolutely NOTHING HERE you modern Queen Mommy's can glean.....But hey, "WELCOME TO HER WORLD."
Modern Queen Mommy's do suffer so. Just ask 'em. And they are so diligent in making sure everyone within earshot knows exactly how much they do suffer, sacrifice and overcome. In fact, if you eavesdrop on their banter for a few milliseconds, you would liken their heroism to the men who stormed the beaches at Iwo Jima!
But I digress.... A she-baby was born in a dirt-floor hovel in a rural 5th world country some seven decades ago. You can't find the town on a map, because it wasn't even a town. Heck, it wasn't even a village. It was called a "rancho", and the nearest town was miles and miles away, and you can't even find IT on a map. She was the seventh of what was to total ten children born to her literally dirt-poor, but dedicated parents.
The hut she was born in had two rooms. One room was the kitchen and table, the other was the sleeping area, for EVERYONE. Parents had a bed and ALL the kids had ONE bed. They slept sardine-styles, again, IN ONE BED.
Work for Pop was back-labor, and scarce. Devotion to feeding and caring for the growing family, however, was extremely high. Transportation was barefoot walking; only the wealthy had a horse or burro. Cars were something the Big City folks had, rarely seen around the Rancho. And get this: the kids all had a large tína (bowl) under the bed in case of the midnight nature call. Too cold to go to the outdoor commode, so fill the bowl, put back under the bed, and go back to a comfy sleep. No fuss, no muss. By the way, the "beds" were not Sleep Number variety. More like cots.
Real chores for even the little ones was a survival necessity, but nevertheless there was school and playtime. Their kids games would be unrecognizable to today's richly endowed, mega-toys children. A favorite game for Mrs. Girl-Doc was only possible after a rainstorm. She would just love to make little imaginary dishes and cakes out of the wet soil. Often she will still fondly recall the rich, wet soil smell, so yummy that she thought that taking a bite or two from these mud cakes was ever so yummy. Then, after a rain, she would run around looking for "cocos", a small nut-like seed that tasted like coconuts. Apparently they appeared after a rainstorm. (Although this science-oriented Doc has no idea what this Little Girl was eating, she nevertheless STILL delights at the memory). Jump-rope, tag, and hide-and-seek, Maria Blanca (round-the-mulberry bush), Vibora de la Mar (London bridges), hula-hoop, bingo (loteria) were also favorites.
Any game that required imagination and a fun spirit would do just fine. Modern "must haves" like overflowing toy boxes, closets bulging with forgotten toys and toy-parts were simply unknown.
The Convent years were undoubtedly rich with vital content, and someday THIS full story may be told. Suffice it to say, this Little Girl-Doc continued to make Lemonade out of Lemon. The Nuns at the "La Casa de los Niños Pobres" were definitely NOT Modern Suffering Mommies. The were disciplined, devoted, devout, selfless and very strict.
(The Anti-Modern Mommy, really. What an outdated attitude, eh? American Feminism had to purge this 'can-do' spirit from women because it sort-of takes the shine off the rich virtue-signaling martyrdom that the Modern Queen Mommy so skillfully exploits).
You can imagine (hmm, maybe you really cannot.....) the daily life for a poor, nine-year old girl separated from her family, in a Convent devoted to faith, asceticism and discipline. Young Girl-Doc speaks highly of her time with The Nuns. She describes "fond memories" even though she was torn away from everything and everyone she knew! Heck, nine-year olds in America today throw a fit if Modern Mommy does not carry them in her arms to Kindergarten class!
This amazing woman will today tell of the time as a girl when she falsely claimed she could not see very well. She knew the Good Samaritans would bestow charity for the poor children of the Convent with, among other goodies, discarded eyeglasses. Remember, this Convent housed the poorest of the poor, the needy. This was not like the American suburban Catholic school that makes big bucks on Suburban Family's tuition and mega-fundraisers; and as a result, abandons fundamental principles for parent-pleasing. No, no, these kids had one dress, holes in their shoes, if they had shoes at all, and maybe a hair ribbon to dress up for Sunday Mass. Well Little Girl-Doc did NOT have faulty vision, but she coveted a pair of eyeglasses. She actually convinced the Nuns that she needed eyeglasses, and she got them!
Greedy little debutant that she was, she also wanted a new pair of shoes, also provided by Charitable giving. Mind you, these 'treasures' were 'rich folks' discards. You know what they say though, "one girl's trash is another girl's treasure!" So, one day there was a heavy rainstorm which caused the flooded streets to run with fast-rushing water. This little conniver took of one of her beat up sandals, and let it "slip" and OH! It was caught in the torrential current and carried far, far away, and out of sight. "Oh well, guess I'll have to let the Nuns know I needed one of those new, used pair of shoes!" And yes, she got 'em!
This little Girl lived with the Nuns for over two years. Her U.S. Veteran Uncles were still working their butts off for a permanent resident status for the family At last Girl-Doc was reunited with her Mother and sibs at age 11, and they all lived in this ghetto border city for the next 3 years. Unfortunately, the family traded rural poverty for the brutality of an urban border ghetto.
Oh, and nine-year old Girl-Doc was actually KIDNAPPED while living in this gangster paradise .... TWICE!!! The first time she was rescued by her Mother and a neighbor; the second time by her Oldest brothers, who beat the shit out of the Perv. Yeah, kidnapped, TWICE. Wanna try that "welcome to my world" shit here, you Modern Queen Martyr Mommies?
Not all was grim, and even today, one of Mrs. Doc's fondest (no sarcasm here at all) and most oft-repeated stories is of the absolute delight she experienced on special occasions like birthdays or Christmas. The neighbors would gather on a cold night and BURN OLD TIRES. No wood available, sorry. By the end of the evening of laughter and joy, she would make her way happily home completely black with tire residue. WHAT FUN!
Another embedded memory was of her brothers and neighbors getting up at the crack of dawn on her Mother's birthday and singing outside her window, Las Mañanitas.
But Suegra Doc was never a pushover with the kids. When one of her older brother's broke their clay water jug ( the garafón held ALL of the household drinking water) with his slingshot, she went out and gave him AND all the neighbor kids some well-deserved sintarazos. No kidding. There was no running water, so destroying the family's water supply was so much more serious than a "time-out" and a "I'm sorry" could fix. Big deal, yeah.
Little Girl-Doc was growing into Miss Doc. She attended school. She loved the camaraderie of the neighborhood; she and friends playing in the streets; running up a rocky hill barefoot to get the mail; going to the store for food, and lots of comadriando. As she grew, she fancied herself a famous Mexican actress, Maria Felix. Her personality, carriage and dress was thus set. She became the neighborhood Maria Felix, and maintains this glamour aura to this day.
But wait, there's more! The idyllic life of brutal poverty, a widowed mother with TEN kiddies, outdoor latrines, washing clothes in the local RIVER, carrying water to the house, and a piece of candy brought over from the nice neighbor-man for their only Christmas gift, were facts that only scratch the surface of their actual poverty. Yet, this privileged and opulent lifestyle of the Olvidados forged a resilience and courage few pampered Modern American parents have ever needed to develop. And, these hardships NECESSITATED real and profound Faith. Every morning Doña Suegra had the kids on their knees on the dirt floor of their home praying the entire Rosary. Sunday Mass was never missed, and was a happy social event where the women would chat, the Men would plan, and the boys would meet the girls. God was central to Girl-Doc's upbringing. God is central to Mrs. Doc's every action and thought today. This is the difference between a pathetic, weak, selfish Feminist and Mrs. Doc and her ilk. She worships God, Feminists think they ARE God. What a mistake colossal!
These kids left for school with worn but clean and neat clothes, washed faces and combed hair. They were poor, but her Mother made sure they lived with decency, dignity, and courage. Little Girl-Doc grew to have a fierce and undying love and respect for her Mother. From the moment her earliest days she devoted herself to helping her Mother with the younger kids, and with the household chores. As a grown Woman, Mrs. Doc bought her dear Mother a house and for the first time in her life, Doña Suegra lived the rest of her life with an indoor toilet.
Once more, at the ripe old age of 14, Little Girl-Doc experienced yet another tectonic upheaval. No, it was NOT that her Mother refused to let her get a Tramp Stamp, or have her own Smart Phone. No, no....PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS HAD FINALLY BEEN APPROVED. The Spanish-speaking- only Widow and her ten children were moving to AMERICA!!......And Little Maria Felix HATED IT!
Doña Suegra found herself and ten kids in a flea-bag downtown Los Angeles hotel shortly thereafter. In no time, she was thrown out on the streets because she had too many kids! Widowed, able to speak NO English with ten kids on the mean streets of L.A. Yikes! Mani-pedi, OUT. Have a good cry with a girlfriend, OUT. Shop til' you drop, OUT. No, this crew of immigrants instead banded together, Mother cleaned houses, older brothers and sisters found jobs, they scrimped and saved, and finally were able to rent a house in East Los Angeles. They kept scrimping and saving, and at last bought a house. By now, Little Girl-Doc had become Young Woman-Doc. Her luxury suite was the garage. The latrine was still outside, but this time it was the flush variety.
Miss Doc missed her native country terribly. No one walked the streets in this new land, and she despised the English language. She felt very self-conscious about her broken syntax, and foreign ways. But, need is the Mother of Necessity, so she swallowed her misgivings, attended secondary schools, worked part-time jobs, and even earned her Degree at East L.A. Community College. She was hired by Los Angeles County Department of Social Services, and worked there for about 15 years. What did she do with her new 'wealth'? She distributed the bulk of it helping her Mother, and her younger brothers and sisters get through school. She was the guiding light in helping one of her younger brothers enroll and graduate from Yale, and eventually Law School. He is now a Judge in the L.A. County courts. Oh, and she was still living in the garage with an outdoor commode.
Working Miss Doc spent over a decade working, attending to her Mother's needs, attending to her 3 younger brother's and one younger sister's needs. Sort of emulating the selflessness of the Nuns she had once lived with. But one day, at age 28, her life took a turn, and it would never be the same again. Yes, that's right -- she met Ol' Young Doc. Mexican Independence Day parade, to be precise. She was enjoying the celebration and parade when she spotted an acquaintance who happened to be attending the parade with a buddy, Young Doc. It was one of those weird events where BOTH knew they had just met their future Husband/Wife. Ol' Doc by far got the better deal. By FAR. Forty-five years later, it all seems like a blur to this Ol' Doc. What about for Mrs. Doc? Who knows what goes on in that complex mind of hers. She lives in a Godly world, as I mentioned. She considers events on a different plane than does petulant, self-centered, childish Ol' Doc. Whatever the case, it is still a thrill for this old has-been to discover new treasures from the heart of the still-mysterious Mrs. Doc. Sorta like peeling an onion.
Miss Doc became Mrs. Doc after a three month courtship. None of this, "being together" for years, then living together for years, you know, in order to see if "we are really compatible." (Total and utter BULLSHIT). Miss Doc and Young Doc were looking to start a family, found the right mate, vowed to God "Until Death Do Us Part", y vamonos! No Feminist "play the field" promiscuity; and no Soy Boy indecision, "sooo many more video games left to be played" nonsense. Less than a year later Mrs. Doc bore a son; one and a half years after that she bore another son; and three years after that she graced our family with a daughter. These kids are parents now. Fine Men, Warrior Daughter. No details here about their upbringing since all of Doc's previous "Parenting" essays are in their essence inspired by Mrs. Doc's superb, effective parenting. Their stories are their own stories, but suffice it to say, Mrs. Doc has contributed three Superb Citizens to this mixed-up world. We are both very proud of their character and accomplishments. Ol' Doc is very proud and grateful for the Herculean effort Mrs. Doc exerted to insure their outstanding successes.
For this Little Girl-Doc, this Girl-Doc, this Miss Doc and and finally this Mrs. Doc, the travails and hardships were not over. She skillfully raised her three little kiddos, all while holding a full-time job, and while facing the uphill battle being married to a very childish, selfish Man who worked a shit-ton of hours. The details are unnecessary for our purposes here, but suffice it to say, her quiet leadership, steadiness, courage, patience and compassion will never be forgotten by her family. The Ol' Doc owes you girl -- BIG TIME.
One particularly painful reminder for this inadequate Old Man is illustrative of the saintly stature of this incredible Woman. She had the Perfect Wedding Dress for the big day -- beautiful, traditional. Her Dumbass fiance showed up with a Guayabera, a short-sleeve, Mexican-type button-down dumbass shirt. Painful memory. Hurts to remember. Deep regret. Everlasting shame.
But this is the story of Angelic Mrs. Doc and not a Doc catharsis. This Fine Woman, who always turns Lemons into Lemonade. A sow's ear into a silk purse. So as to NOT HIGHLIGHT THE DUMBASSERY OF HER HUSBAND-TO-BE'S CHILDISH STUPIDITY ... she decisively put away her lifetime dream wedding dress forever, and donned a regular dress for the ceremony.... No complaints. Never even mentioned it until FORTY FOUR YEARS LATER.
No words....shame.... profound regret...even to this day. "Sorry" is so inadequate. This generous act by the new Mrs. Doc continues to evoke profound shame and sorrow in the heartfelt memory of this colossal Doc-dumbass. Perhaps someday, dumb Ol' Doc can make it right. Someday make it up to this fine woman. Someday.
Selfless. Giving. "To understand rather than be understood. To love rather than be loved. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned....." She LIVES it. I can only admire, and wonder. "Why me Lord. What have I ever done, to be worthy" of this Angel?
Like I said, that is Mrs. Doc. Everything for her Mother, her brothers and sisters, her children. Her Husband. She never has COMPETED with her Husband or her children. As a result, she has transcended her Husband's pettiness by light years. And, she has been a beacon of character, dignity and faith for her children.
So much more to say about this remarkable Woman. Daughter. Sister. Mother. Wife. They broke the mold for this one, yessiree. Old folks are wont to say this a lot, but in this case it fits -- they don't make 'em like her anymore. I mean, one time the Ol' Doc was planning a camping trip for the family. It was gonna be great! With a rare three-day weekend coming up, we would pack up the truck, and head for paradise right after work. We would arrive at the mountain campsite in the pitch of night. Two glorious days and three nights of hiking and camping -- campfire, coffee and biscuits in the morning, YEAH!
I excitedly revealed this surprise trip to Mrs. Doc. She was indeed surprised. She said, "All three kids have soccer tournaments this weekend." I maturely replied, "SO!??!" She calmly explained that we could not possibly leave on a camping trip because the kids would miss their team tournaments. I bargained, "WHO THE FLIPPING FLIP GIVES A FLIP. I WANNA GO CAMPING, WHAAAAA!" "We can go another time, but we can't leave, this is important" she informed me. I selflessly shot back, "THEY PLAY FLIPPIN' SOCCER ALL THE FLIPPING TIME, BUT I GET A THREE DAY WEEKEND LIKE NEVER!' She calmly resumed washing the dishes, and I knew I had been defeated. We would "do" soccer that precious three-day weekend, for the hundredth weekend. My crisp, mountain morning with hot campfire biscuits was out. Not gonna happen. Nada.
In essence, this has been the 44 years with Mrs. Doc, in a nutshell. Duty first. Responsibility first. The children first. Her persistent devotion to her children's needs allowed them, cajoled them, literally DEMANDED OF THEM, to grow into fine Gentlemen and Lady. Fine people. They never, ever had to parent their Mother. She firmly and determinedly parented them. She nurtured them. She punished them. She praised them. She Disciplined them. Mrs. Doc attended all of their games, their school programs, their teacher conferences, their tournaments, their award ceremonies, their graduations, their weddings, the birth of their own children, the baptisms...then THEIR kids games, school programs....... Always there, always smiling, always bursting with pride for them. Bursting with love for them. Always giving, TO THEM.
Looks like the Ol' Doc is never gonna go on that FLIPPIN' camping trip, cuz there are grandkids up the wazoo now, and Mrs. Doc is once again in her element.
She is a sight to behold though. She is the Family Lighthouse. I really never observe her meddling, but the beacon she projects is always lighting the way. Clear sailing... or, rocky shoals ahead. Take your pick Modern, young parents. She's been there and done that, but if you want to re-invent the wheel, "pues, que se vayan con Dios."
Ol' Doc has ridden with this beautiful Pard for 44 years. She never shirked a chore. Fought in many engagements. Exemplary behavior. I got no complaints....
