A YOUNG PARENT'S TABOO --- ***DISCIPLINE***
Definition:
“discipline” encompasses a rich history of meanings related to learning, instruction, and order. Its roots in Latin highlight its connection to education and training, making it a versatile word with diverse applications12
Strictly speaking, the above is not a true "definition," But for our purposes, it is a useful reminder to newbee parents that "discipline" does NOT mean "punishment." The act of instilling discipline in one's children may very well INCLUDE punishment, but this misunderstanding of the word itself is a critical error of the modern parent who has been steeped in a lifetime of weak permissiveness and directionless passiveness. For the sake of brevity, let us consider childhood discipline as "the daily parental emphasis on the importance of learning Delayed Gratification."
Ever wonder why young parents think that a "normal" household with children should look like this?
Some really instructive items are apparent in the above scene. (And we're an honest group here right?) First, look at the LAZY, resigned parents laying down on the job and ALLOWING such disrespectful behavior by the offspring. The HOME that Mommy and Daddy have worked so hard to provide is being disrespected by the children's ignorant disregard for calm and order. Their scattered and overabundant toys and possessions are symbolic of lazy and ineffective parenting. Cowardly, lazy, misguided parents have clearly not taken the time to teach their kids that this is an UNACCEPTABLE scenario. Besides, the telling pose by both parents is a clear message to the kiddies that their parents have surrendered to the authority of the toddlers. The collapsed parents are resigned to failure, slovenliness and helplessness. They feign martyrdom and virtue-signal family and friends with the pat phrase, "welcome to MY world." Do you know who CREATED "your world'? Do you know when "your world" began? Right here:
That's right. You might want to begin to teach Little Billy discipline as soon as precious little ass hits the high chair. (In actuality even sooner, but this is a simpler illustration for now). This child is not distressed or injured. He is screaming in rage at the adult feeder, who seems to think that such filthy nonsense is somehow cute and "the way kids learn...." 'sigh' Sorry Mom or Mr. Mom -- clean this shit up, show your child some respect and hygiene, and try your very hardest to put your berinche-prone 'precious' in a position to SUCCEED. Note, we will later devote an entire essay to "Feeding", but this scenario provides a nice entre into the ***scary*** world of Discipline.
First and foremost, Parents must address their own individual and marital discipline or lack thereof. Can you teach your children discipline if you yourself are a material, physical, moral and spiritual slob? Why yes -- yes you can actually. It is, however, exceedingly more difficult to do. You can order your kids to clean their rooms, but if you throw YOUR dirty socks all over the house, spend money like Elvis, are 75 pounds of blubber overweight, and you leave the living room a mess after watching the big game, well, let's just say you will get some kiddie push-back, especially as they enter their teen years. If you are life-sloppy, you will also have this misguided reluctance to order the kids to behave in a way you yourself do not. You pull your punches on your duty as a parent, convincing yourself that you simply cannot be hypocritical. "How can I advise my kid NOT smoke marijuana, or knock-up 15 year-old Susie, since I did those things myself at that age?"
So you engage in stupid: you buy the beer for your 15 year old's party; you "discuss" The Pill with your 13 year-old daughter, because "I want to be someone she can talk to and trust;" and worst of all, you allow them to behave all kinds of awful at the table because "my parents were so strict, and I don't want to be that type of ***scary*** parent." Our old nemesis rears its ugly head again--we need to be like sisters, bestie BFF friends! You tacitly condone your son's increasingly reckless and even violent behavior as being "free spirited"; and you reflexly begin to blame everyone but yourselves -- including nannies, teachers, coaches and police -- for your dear babies' evolving piss-poor behavior. Suffice it to say, you PARENTS are sorely lacking in the essential disciplines of self-inventory, rigorous honesty, time-management, problem-solving, marital communication, and moral conviction. You see the world as you WANT it to be, and not as it really is. As Ricky Ricardo would say, "you gotta lotta 'splaining to do!", and a lotta re-evaluating and re-structuring of your priorities.
Let's touch on some examples of utter stupidity stemming from parental lack of discipline (heh, heh, tricked you didn't I? You thought this was gonna be a how-to fix-the-kids discussion-- nope. As Cesar Milan always says, it is not the dog that is the problem, no, no -- "I rehabilitate dogs; I TREAT the owners.")
"I am not going to force my kids into my religion. They will choose their own when they are old enough to understand the various faiths." Or, "my kiddo does not like sports such as soccer, baseball, football, basketball or volleyball. We're thinking more like cotillion, ballet, wall-climbing, tumbling, Zumba, swim lessons, or piano. Not as much much pressure and stress." Or, "Gotta stay up late tonight WRITING my son's Civil War essay. It is half his entire grade, and we DOOOO want him to get into Harvard, and he is too stressed and overworked to write it himself." Or, "if I don't hold my 50-pound 3 year-old in my arms 24/7 she will be upset and freak out!" Or, "if I don't say 'I love you' after admonishing my 'precious', he will not know that I love him." Or, "if I don't waitress for Little Junior at the dinner table, with each morsel of food precisely to his exacting standards, he JUST WON'T EEEEEET!!".....Goodness, where does an Ol Doc begin the disassembly?
Well yes, these are indeed all examples of poor parental discipline. I forgot to mention from the start that the OPPOSITE of discipline is laziness, sloppiness, inattentiveness, listlessness, carelessness and cowardice. All of which lead to STOOPID-- virtue-signaling, moronic, ineffective ideas about child-rearing. In your undisciplined approach, you confidently set your kids straight on a course of insecurity, anxiety and helplessness, believe it. How in the name of Hell, would 6 year old Mary know anything about Religion, i.e. God, Repentance and Salvation , unless you teach her? Oh, better to let the creeps at Yale teach her to worship Climate Change? Cats? Taylor Swift? Mao Tse Tung? How does Billy learn about value, thrift, or saving money, if he has a pile of broken toys and bicycles, and spider webs all over that monstrous outdoor playset he just HAD to have, and a swimming pool with green algae water in it? Oh, yeah, he'll learn to appreciate "the better things in life" because he experienced them all as a child? Huh?
Little Adam is so good with numbers, but smallish, pale and frail, so maybe violin lessons for him. But his herculean brother Samson can't wait to get out there, run 10 miles and HIT SOMEBODY, so let's definitely get him into MMA or Junior NASCAR!"
I mean, without discussing every one of my examples, do you begin to get the point? If you are lazy in your thinking and actions with the kids; if you have so little respect for their potential to adapt; if YOU narrow their horizons and goals with your faulty value judgements about their abilities; if you are not constantly planning, scheming and arguing with your spouse about how best to put Junior in the very BEST POSITION TO SUCCEED -- well then my sloppy Mommy and Daddy, you will create the very creature that YOU CREATE.
Once you PARENTS really get your shit together, and begin focusing on consistently putting your kiddos in a position to SUCCEED, while wisely heading off conditions that lead to FAILURE, as much as possible--then, and only then, are you in any position to TEACH your kids Discipline, or DELAYED GRATIFICATION. You steel yourself to do what is necessary, and NOT at being liked. Do NOT be buddies with your kids. You say "NO" , and say it often, and you MEAN IT! Your kids have only ONE Mommy and ONE Daddy, so you had better buck up and DO Mommy and DO Daddy. Friends, buds, BFF's, Facebook likes and all that horseshit are a dime-a-dozen. But do not do your children the height of disservice by being their pals. They need to respect you and Daddy; respect Old Folks; respect the dinner table and all that went in to providing for it; respect their Teachers, their Coach, the Police, their Peers and their Employees. YOU, need to teach them all these things because they are not innate knowledge to newborns. YOU do not "learn from the children". That is arrant nonsense. The children know NOTHING. They need to learn EVERYTHING from you. If they grow to be Losers, it is on you. Yes, some kids grow to be Winners by serendipity, but best not to rely on luck. Take as much care to mold them to live a disciplined life, as you do to make your toenails perfect, your hair just so, and your beard to look ever-so manly FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!
Teach them to properly put away their toys; to have respect, manners and gratitude at the dinner table; to learn how to parent themselves when they are guests in someone else's home, or the library, market or classroom. If they learn to say "good morning", extend a handshake, say "please" and "thank you", they will cause adults, teachers, coaches, employers and investors to take special note. As disciplined parents who care MORE about the children's well being than about how YOU FEEL or how you LOOK, you should constantly say to your kids "no, not right now", "no, you cannot have those gummy bears", "no, absolutley no dating until you are much older", "no, you eat what your Mother served you, or get off the table, and we try again tomorrow", or "no, you are too irresponsible and reckless to have a knife, or rifle, or drive the car", and on, and on, and on.
Teach your kids how to delay their wants, so they can focus on their NEEDS -- you know, all of that outdated rubbish, like character, honesty, integrity, generosity, and faith. Then can you have the disciplined, courteous, well-mannered, and HAPPY children you have always wanted. But you simply cannot TEACH them happiness. Get that out of your heads! It is only through a life lived immersed with discipline does one achieve true happiness. BELIEVE it.
Furthermore, it is actually a fairly simple task (honest injun') to teach your children to delay the gratification of their incessant demands. Discipline yourselves to repeat over and over and over again, as often as it takes, the commands and instructions necessary to groove productive habits into the very core of your kids subconscience. The tasks continues (for 18 years?) until they finally learn to delay childish gratification for the bigger goals of community, country, family, faith and service. You do these necessary things and the results will gratify you, but remember, YOU too must wait LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES to see results, right? Remember, DELAYED gratification?
If you raise bratty little shits, it is YOUR doing. You simply did not WANT to do the necessary actions. And remember this also: some harsh admonishments, some spankings, some consistent, effective punishments (can we extinct the moronic "time outs") now.... OR a lifetime of regret later -- tatoos, purple hair, drugs, ADHD, therapists on retainer, genital mutilation, prison.... Your choice.
Disciple or Disaster. Whichever you choose, don't say the Ol' Doc's dearly, departed Mother, may she rest in peace, didn't warn you,
IT'S A COLD, CRUEL WORLD OUT THERE!
--- DOC
